Pay for Pray
Posted on 2006-01-10 at 13:42
I could probably make a good living by offering my for-pay services to pray for people. I could tout my background and trump it up to make it sound like I'm some sort of wandering mendicant or holy hermit, then offer my direct pipeline to God for a fee. I could even abstract it out further by offering it on a web site where I tell people that I'll pray for them if they click an ad (thereby generating revenue) and they email me their prayer request. I wouldn't actually have to pray for them, but they wouldn't know that. I could even automate the prayer request response with some heuristic language reply logic to make it seem like a person instead of a form letter. People would feel better and I would be richer.
I could totally capitalize on my degree. I mean, why should Pay Robertson be the only guy locally riding God's coattails to the bank?!?
Of course, if I did all this I'd go to that special roped-off section of hell reserved for crooked politicians, corrupt judges, and people who rip other people off for 3 dollars and 75 fucking cents because they are too stupid and cheap to check their god damn records and write me a check for the amount I'm actually owed instead of some fantasy number he made up like an asshole!
Having morals sucks ass. I can't carry out any of my most ingenuitive plans.