The Towering Midget
Posted on 2007-07-31 at 22:36
Some people have no clue. You ever meet someone who just didn't understand his place in the world? The kind of guy who'd like nothing more than to get in your face and tell you what for, but whose personal force has all the gravitas of a clown parade? The sort of guy who sits perpetually on the edge of a bitch slap---saved from his ho-like fate only by the stunned shock of the people around him, who stand jaw agape at his audacity and stupidity? I mean the type of guy who needs the sort of ass-whoopin' that is unfortunately illegal in the modern day, but for whom you'd consider bending the law? You ever meet that sort of guy?
I did.
Gateway FPD2485W 24" LCD Monitor: The Newest Hotness
Posted on 2007-07-30 at 08:25
I've added some new hotness to my home desktop: The Gateway FPD2485W 24" LCD Monitor.
It's sweet, clear, low-priced, and easy to adjust and use. Plus, it means my monitor is probably bigger than yours[1]. If you don't think that sort of thing matters, then I'm better than you in that way, too. ;-)
[1] unless you are one of those mac guys with the 32" cinema display...in which case, know that my jealousy is endless and I covet your pixels.
The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
Posted on 2007-07-28 at 21:18
Old Godzilla was hopping around
Tokyo City like a big playground
when suddenly Batman burst from the shade
and hit Godzilla with a Batgrenade
Godzilla got pissed and began to attack
but didn't expect to be blocked by Shaq
who proceeded to open up a can of Shaq Fu
when Aaron Carter came out of the blue
and he started beating up Shaquille O'Neal
then they both got flattened by the Batmobile
but before it could make it back to the Batcave
Abraham Lincoln popped out of his grave
and took an AK47 out from under his hat
and blew Batman away with a rat-a-tat-tat
but he ran out of bullets and he ran away
because Optimus Prime came to save the day
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
Godzilla took a bite out of Optimus Prime
like Scruff McGruff took a bite out of crime
and then Shaq came back covered in a tire track
but Jackie Chan jumped out and landed on his back
and Batman was injured, and trying to get steady
when Abraham Lincoln came back with a machete
but suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped
Indiana Jones took him out with his whip
then he saw Godzilla sneaking up from behind
and he reached for his gun which he just couldn't find
'cause Batman stole it and he shot and he missed
and Jackie Chan deflected it with his fist
then he jumped in the air and did a summersault
while Abraham Lincoln tried to pole vault
onto Optimus Prime, but they collided in the air
then they both got hit by a Care Bear Stare, oooh
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
angels sang out in immaculate chorus
down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
who deliver a kick which could shatter bones
into the crotch of Indiana Jones
who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
as Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne
but Chuck saw through his clever disguise
and he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs
then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and
Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and
Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
all came out of no where lightning fast
and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass
it was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw
with civilians looking on total awe
and the fight raged on for a century
many lives were claimed, but eventually
the champion stood, the rest saw their better:
Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
of Ultimate Destiny
Successful cookouts and amicable hostage exchanges
Posted on 2007-07-28 at 20:52
A bunch of my friends came over for a cookout today. Shep was in town and showed up. Brent came with his family. Bryan (He Who Shall Die By My Hand) came over. Will showed...well actually Rebecca showed in his place. Much fun was had. There was chicken, derisive joking, beef, fire, corn, and vitriol. All was good in the land of Caudron.
As a side-note, I exchanged one item for one item with Bryan. He received his Mystic China book back in exchange for a Conan: Tower of the Elephant graphic novel. The exchange took place in a semi-lit hallway with nervous glances and distrustful scowls.
You, too, should read the new Conan: Tower of the Elephant:
If you prefer the old school Conan comic, get the original:
Some very simple financial advice
Posted on 2007-07-22 at 16:41
Most of us have two sorts of savings. We put our more liquid assets (that which we plan to need sooner rather than later) into our bank's savings account and we put our less liquid assets (that which we plan to need later rather than sooner) into retirement accounts. Thos of us who call ourselves savvy might throw a small Money Market in the middle for those assets that we expect to need infrequently---neither immediately nor after retirement. It's worth noting that there are other options.
Consider a high-yield online savings account. They sometimes (though not always) have minimum balance requirements, but the ROI is usually 4%--5%. Better than your typical 2.5%--3.5% Money Market (but just a bit less liquid). Not so good as your typical 6%--12% retirement account (but far more liquid).
In short, you should be trying to create a 4-tier (in terms of liquidity and ROI) savings plan. Keep enough for maybe two months of bills in your local savings/checking accounts. Keep enough for quick-need, big-ticket emergencies (like a new HVAC unit or a reasonable car repair) in a money market. Keep enough for major life issues (like loss of job or an impending, but planned, large expense like college tuition) in a high-yield online account, and keep the rest (hopefully enough for a real retirement) in your IRA, 401k, 403b, Mutual Fund, Stocks, and so on where it can earn a markey-quality rate of return safe from your greedy exigencies.
On Notice
Posted on 2007-07-21 at 15:31
As of last night's DnD game, here's the list of things that should be considered on notice:
If you or your behavior are on that list, you have been warned.
My Personality Defect
Posted on 2007-07-21 at 14:59
Tom's Score: Starving Artist
Tom is 28% Rational, 42% Extroverted, 42% Brutal, and 85% Arrogant.
Tom, you are the Starving Artist! Like some sort of emaciated Frenchman, you sit in your fancy little chair and contemplate beauty, meaning, flowers, and all kinds of other ridiculous crap. You are more intuitive than logical, and are primarily guided by your heart and emotions. You are also very introverted and gentle. Of course, this does not mean that you do not have an ego. In fact, you are surprisingly arrogant for someone so emotional and gentle. This is why you are best described as a starving artist. You are very introspective and quite sure of yourself, as any accomplished artist is, yet your views are impractical, guided by feelings, and overly gentle. You probably find math, logic, and similar intellectual pursuits offensive to your artistic sensibilities, and you prefer the open-endedness of artistry because it's infinitely easier to ponder the beauty of a sock than to build rocketships. So really you have no reason to be arrogant, you big doofus, because the skills you value (emotion, spirit, art, etc.) in yourself are valuable only on a subjective level, meaning your arrogance is purely masturbatory, like the insipid self-pleasuring of some twat who spouts artistic nonsense only for the pleasant tinkling sound it makes upon his indiscriminating ears. In short, your personality is defective because you are arrogant, introverted, introspective, gentle, and thoroughly irrational...posessing most of the traits needed to be a starving--and useless--artist. So get out there, write a few short stories that are allegories for the indestructible spirit of socks, and starve!
Compatibility
Your exact opposite is the Capitalist Pig.
Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Haughty Intellectual, the Televangelist, and the Emo Kid.
What is your personality defect? Find out by taking The Personality Defect Test.
Synchronicity and the Pop Culture Meme
Posted on 2007-07-18 at 21:36
I think my school is less Mr Miyagi and more Cobra Kai
Also, I think I prefer it that way. ;-)
You know what's creepy?
Posted on 2007-07-15 at 15:17
Babies and toddlers that have adult faces. What the hell is that about? That shit creeps me out. Stop looking at me, Igor! You look like some kinda cartoon mobster trying to escape the law by pretending to be a baby. Weird.
I spend some time in the church day care today and there was a kid in there that looked like some sort of weird adult/baby hybrid. Don't touch me, scary-baby. Your oddly grown-up facial features confuse and startle me! It looks like someone transplanted Alice the maid's face onto your skull. You may as well have a tadpole tail and a lobster claw.
What? It's not like I said all this to the kid or something mean like that.
Valiant Canine Takes a Bite Outta Grime
Posted on 2007-07-10 at 22:14
A single brave dog took it upon himself to try to rid the world of Bryan earlier today. The admirable pooch sunk teeth into the Yeti-That-Would-Be-A-Man no less than twice by eye witness accounts. While the hairy hero didn't succeed in offing He-Who-Shall-Die-By-My-Hand, I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Thank you." Through great personal sacrifice, bribery, and no small bit of goat-sex, did I aquire a picture of the wound---still seeping the filthy ichor that oozes from the shambling mound of cellulite that Bryan calls a body. Gaze upon it and tremble:
Bryan and Rebecca
Posted on 2007-07-10 at 21:58
Gay, dude. Just gay.