If I were to open a game shop
Posted on 2007-08-03 at 22:16
If I were to open a game shop, there are a few things I'd do:
- I'd Attend a GAMA event or two first and talk with Game Shop owners there. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #190: Hear all, trust nothing.)
- I'd avoid kidding myself about the chances that a bank would loan money to a starting game shop and just settle down to the business of self-funding the endeavor. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #256: Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.)
- I'd read Why We Buy by Paco Underhill. I'd make sure I deeply understood the how's and why's of the science of retail. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #26: As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.)
- I'd keep my income expectations low. One does not enter the world of the Game Shop owner for fast cash, loose women, and endless keggers. One enters it because one is brain damaged. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #19: Satisfaction is not guaranteed.)
- I'd make my store a haven for gamers. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #50: Gratitude can bring on generosity.)
- I'd make my store a place where ancillary activities generated profit. Pizza ain't free. It costs by the slice. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #12: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.)
- I'd demonstrate incredible patience in finding the right location. I'd look for a store with an eyeline to the road, low rent, and perhaps something with distinctive architecture, like a closed Taco Bell or bank. I would not rush this as this is possibly one of the most important decisions of the business. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #46: Make your shop easy to find.)
- I'd keep my day job. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #106: There is no honor in poverty.)
- I'd only sign a lease that I could break. You never know if or when the shop will implode. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #25: There's always a way out.)
- I'd sell and promote games that I find distasteful or lame. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #69: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.)
- I'd hire a manager to maintain the store so I could keep the aforementioned day job. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success... don't hesitate to step on them.)
- I'd not stock collectibles or memorabilia. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #101: The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.)
- I'd never be content with only one store. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #95: Expand or die.)
- I'd try to crush the other stores. They are not my gamer friends. They are my retail enemies. (Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #169: Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. )
I just felt like putting this down in writing. That's all. No other reason.
So sayeth the bossman
Posted on 2007-08-03 at 07:37
A couple days ago, a small group of us are chatting and I joked someone (more of a juijitsu reversal on a joke hurled at me). Bossman was there and he says this to the guy to whom I'd turned the joke around:
You better watch out. Tom may be immature, but he's quick-witted.
For some reason his description of me brought to mind some sort of half-retarded, venomous snake---bobbing drunkenly, hissing, and cross-eyed, looking for an exposed wrist or neck to clamp on to.
In my defense (though I sort of prefer the idea that I might be thought of as the aforementioned brain-damaged cobra), I'm equally comfortable with spouting potty humor or discussions of Gnostic influences in modern Christian theology. I, therefore, let those around me set the tone and demeanor of the conversation.
The Towering Midget
Posted on 2007-07-31 at 22:36
Some people have no clue. You ever meet someone who just didn't understand his place in the world? The kind of guy who'd like nothing more than to get in your face and tell you what for, but whose personal force has all the gravitas of a clown parade? The sort of guy who sits perpetually on the edge of a bitch slap---saved from his ho-like fate only by the stunned shock of the people around him, who stand jaw agape at his audacity and stupidity? I mean the type of guy who needs the sort of ass-whoopin' that is unfortunately illegal in the modern day, but for whom you'd consider bending the law? You ever meet that sort of guy?
I did.
Something Weird This Way Has Come
Posted on 2007-06-15 at 20:26
So, apparently it's not a good idea for me to post a cryptic message on this blog, as I've received about 2 inquiries a day for the past week or so about the message. The speculation and guesses have been...interesting. So, what, you ask, has come?
Well, it's a job offer from my client. That's not so weird in and of itself. I have gotten plenty of job offers in my life. This one is weird because I accepted it. If you don't know why that is weird, then you probably just don't know me personally. Let me explain.
I'm a career consultant. I do my thing and move on to the next gig. Good money. Good hours. Good times. I am known as a bottom-line kinda guy. I respect the Great Material Continuum and all that it implies. Consider that when you hear my news that my current client offered me a position that was worthy of acceptance. Something weird this way has come.
I have an employer again. Weird.
Weirdness Delayed
Posted on 2007-06-08 at 21:45
In a recent entry, I mentioned that something weird was coming to fruition that I'd be free to talk about in a day or so. Let's make that next Tuesday. That's the day after which I'm gonna feel more free to chat about it. So, um, nevermind til then.
As the Work Ethic of a Beaver
Posted on 2007-06-05 at 21:37
The last couple of weeks have been busy ones. Been putting in extra time at one client, then spending time in the eveings doing work for another. Had a death in the family this past weekend. Had to leave town for that. Back now. Apparently contracted disease that makes me talk in incomplete sentences. Dig? Dug.
Something Weird This Way Comes
Posted on 2007-06-05 at 21:35
Tomorrow, I should be free to talk about something interesting that's been in the works.
Shlock
Posted on 2007-05-20 at 17:38
My global media empire is nigh complete!
I have set up a storefront, in which you may purchase various mental droppings as sewn/heat-printed onto bad fashionware. Up first: The Lonely Fornication Truckers Hat. More to come.
To answer your next question, no, I don't actually expect people to buy anything. I just find this sort of thing fun. Mostly, it's just funny to me that the phrase "Lonely Fornication" popped into my head and now the world can purchase it on a retro-cool trucker's cap. Due in no small part to my overwhelming desire to waste my own time and my gigantenormous ego, you can expect to be glossing over future schock hocking as new random phrases and tidbits spur me to make future lame graphics.
Productivity, Dry Erase Markers, and the Art of Abduction
Posted on 2007-04-13 at 07:51
To those naysayers who claim I am lazy and lame and cannot possibly perform any task of consequence whilst at work, I say to you, "Gaze upon a snapshot of my whiteboard and be humbled":
Clearly, this proves that I am both productive AND well respected in my field of employ!
Venture Capital
Posted on 2007-04-05 at 18:52
I'm currently pursuing a venture capital route for a new business idea. No details yet (for many reasons), but I'm hoping that by month's end I will know if my current track is playing out or if I need to switch records. In either case, the experience will be worthwhile, I think. I have done the "grow your own business" thing and the "make a great job for yourself" thing. It's time to see what's entailed in the "hit the ground running with a real staff and product" thing.
Horizons are for pushing.
Five things that need correcting
Posted on 2007-03-21 at 18:38
- The White House thinks it's above the law. Karl Rove should be forced to testify...and do so under oath. So should the rest of them. They've been treated as untouchable for too long. I am dusgusted and embarrassed to have them leading my country. Plus, being unwilling to testify under oath is just pussy. Be a fucking man about it, George. If you wanna claim all this unprecedented power, at least have the cahones to step up and say it loudly. Nothing worse than a dictator without the guts to actually, you know, dictate.
- The FBI is abusing it's power (insert faux shocked look here). They have a history of it. Just look up all the stuff they did under that one cross-dressing dude. People should lose jobs over this. Some jail time would be nice, too. Let's end this debate over whther they did or didn't. Of course they did it. They are the FBI, for God's sake. They take power like a sponge takes water. It's time to squeeze some of the excess back out.
- I'm still working...at a job...in an office...with people. Seriously, who thought that was a good idea?!? The fact that I get up and go to work is like a daily miracle on the order of the loaves and fishes.
- Google hosted mail service does not yet itegrate all of Google's apps. Get it together, guys! I want to have one interface for my hosted mail service, docs and spreadsheets, reader, and web analytics. You offer them all, but I need a different log in for each service. Laaaaame. This atrocity of inefficiency is made all the more glaringly sinful by its having been perpetrated by Google, who wrote the Gospel of Efficiency. Shine that halo up and reclaim your saint-status soon.
- Television is still delivered in channel-sized chunks to my home via the airwaves. OK, one last time: I want my tv à la carte. I want to subscribe to a show, not a channel, let alone a channel "package" of 150 stations of crap. Moreover, TV is cheap now. Where are the really good tv shows produced independant of the hollywood machine and delivered to me via the Internet? Any kid with a Mac can make a sci fi show. Joss Whedon, I'm talking to you! You don't like TV. I get that. They stabbed Firefly and spit on the corpse. 'Nuff said. But why not take some of that bankroll you got and innovate the medium. Do a good show. Answer only to yourself and deliver it via a method that make you beholden to noone. Produce it so long as it's profitable. Do it. Do it now. I demand you do my bidding. And stuff. Please. Pretty please? Grovelling can be a part of the package as needed.
The Boss-Man Watcheth
Posted on 2007-01-12 at 08:41
So, I just found out the boss-man has read my blog...but like on whim because he was bored. D'oh! Well, hopefully he's a fan of egregious cursing, incessant rambling, and the occasional mad llama.
Code Monkey by Jonathan Coulton
Posted on 2006-12-09 at 10:29
Listen to Code Monkey by Jonathan Coulton.
The song is released under a Creative Commons license which allows for redistribution with very few conditions. If you like the song and want to support artists that use such liberal license terms (my posting it here in full is legal and encouraged!) you should consider putting your money where your mouth is and shoving $1 or so to the artist. Your eternal soul will thank you. :)
Anthropographics
Posted on 2006-12-08 at 08:13
Personalization. Individuation. Micromarkets.
The world is moving from a mass market, appeal to the crowd, nab the largest group economic model to one that seeks ever-smaller groupings. No longer is it a Good Thing to keep up with the Joneses. Now the modern consumer wants to differentiate themselves from the Joneses. Having a menu of generic product choices worked in the industrialized 20th century, but as we march further into a new economy we seek hyper-specialized products. It's not enough to buy the same album as the guy next to me. I must buy just the songs I want. Moreover, it's not enough to buy them in the same format as everyone else, I want choice. You may like your songs in AAC format (Apples lossy iTunes format) but I prefer mine in Flac (lossless encoding). The next guy might want his in simple MP3 format (a ubiquitous lossy encoding standard). It's not enough to buy a pair of Nikes. Now I can get a pair from their web site with customized colors and even words on the side! This is a radical shift in thinking and in markets. But what does it mean?
It means demographics---the study of delineations of groups of people into their respective subsets---becomes less useful to the marketer, who seeks something delineated at the individual level, something I'm gonna call anthropographics---the study of delineations of individual persons.
I have more to say about this. I'll be adding that to a later entry. I'm interested in feedback. What you you think about this "demassification" of commercial interests? What sorts of profound changes do you expect from it? Do you welcome it?
More to come....
Monetizing the Blogosphere
Posted on 2006-11-01 at 15:56
My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?
Notes about being a Programmer-Consultant
Posted on 2006-10-05 at 13:54
The hairiest bugbear of an independant consultancy has always been finding the next gig. I've not had any serious problems in that regard. Maybe I'm lucky. Maybe I'm good. I don't know why I keep busy, but I do. Still, I often find myself without work for a week or two on occassion. I'm in that situation now. It's no big deal, really. I plan well. The money comes in erratic waves, but it comes in.
Even accepting that I have taken around 10 weeks off this year, my income is still on par with or better than my peers in the area. About 10 minutes ago, I found out that my next gig might not start until the 16th---meaning two weeks off without pay. Sure, I'd rather have the pay, but 2 weeks off is nice, and I'll enjoy that too.
There's no secret trick to being an independant consultant. If you want to stay employed you must do two things: do a good job and partner with others.
I have a couple of companies that I partner with. They farm me work when they have it. I make them look good by doing a good job. Between all the partnerships I foster, I keep busy. In fact, I find lately that I never look for work on my own. I no longer cold call or drill contacts for work. I just make sure that my partners know when I'm free for work. They find the work. They get the contracts. They handle the billing. I do the programming. It's a good life. It's not for everyone, but it suits me quite well. Now, I have some free time and I'm gonna go enjoy it.
Oh God. I am Death Become Flesh.
Posted on 2006-09-26 at 06:53
I am so tired right now. I was at work on Saturday for 15 hours---leaving after 1am. I was at work last night (Monday) for 15 hours---leaving after 1am. It's currently 6:55 am.
I feel like death's vomit. I need sleep.
James pointed out...
Posted on 2006-09-15 at 08:23
...that some people might find a discontinuity between my post about Bryan rolling freshly minted off the Dick Factory and my post two days later about the Gospels and canonical inclusion. I find it mildly humorous that I'm so accustomed to switching gears in that way that I didn't even notice how odd that might appear to a stranger. Well, in any case, both posts are a reflection of me, so odd or not, you can expect more of the same jumbled ethical mess going forward.
Also, James, you have now been referred to by name in my blog. I'm still not sure why you wanted that, but it is done so you can quit yer bitching. :-)
Ties, Times, and the Pursuit of Productivity
Posted on 2006-09-06 at 08:30
Dressing special for work is an antiquated waste of time, money, and effort. What purpose does the tie serve beyond placing an adorning frill around my neck? For what reason must a woman wear pantyhose other than to make her legs look good for the men in the office? Why do we still do these things? Unless you job is to look good, your morning primping session is a waste of your time. In so far as it is mandated, it is brainlessly ignorant and the sign of a company still stuck in the mud of the Victorian Era.
What purpose does the 8 to 5 work schedule serve? To please some anal retentive manager with a Napoleon complex who was potty trained just a bit too early? To ensure that all the road's traffic groups in unmanageable clusters twice a day? As with the suit and tie, this is a practice that must go. Stagger work schedules and let people choose which they want to be in. Let some work 7 to 4, some 8 to 5, some 9 to 6 and I see nothing wrong at al with allowing some 6 to 3 and 10 to 7 as well. The roads will clear up, people will still have opportunity to collaborate at work, and people will be able to work on a schedule that better suits their natural rhythms. Not everyone is an early riser. Not everyone is a late sleeper. Why make them all conform to the same schedule?
What happened to subjective analysis of productivity? Why must every petty manager implement objective productivity goals to determine if their workers are making the grade? A good manager knows which employees are pulling their weight and which aren't. A good manager has an open door policy so that other employees can complain about those things he might have missed. A good manager isn't afraid of subjective evaluation. Micromanaging progress only serves to make 90% of workers less productive for the arguable benefit of making the bottom 10% scared to slack off. It is not worth it. Stop.
That is all for now. Please tune in next blog entry where we will be discussing the pros and cons of inbreeding. Why? Because the word "inbreeding" makes people uncomfortable. That makes me smile. I need to smile more today.
Back to work
Posted on 2006-08-28 at 08:09
My mini-vacation is over. Looks like it's time to trudge back to work. I'll be back in the office starting this morning. As I understand it, I'll be working on an ASP app for the same group I was with last time.
I'm also currently working on some other business venture plans with two partners. I'm hoping this pans out. The ideas kicked around so far are promising. In a week we get together again to move things forward.
Even doing fun stuff like ASP.NET development has a faded bloom to me. I enjoy it---don't get me wrong---but I'm ready for bigger challenges.
I'm considering law school. I'm not saying I'm definitely going to do it, but I am saying that if the stars align just right I might consider it. What do you guys think? Good? Bad? Stupid? Evil?
I could just be a fry cook at McD's. That's be fine too. Then I could spend all my newfound free time doing things that challenge and interest me more than yet another database driven web app implementing stupid management-driven business logic in a time frame set by someone who has no clue how a successful IT project should be run.
This code says all that needs saying
Posted on 2006-06-15 at 08:24
SELECT *
FROM [tcaudron].Concern
WHERE Project = 'My Current Assignment'
No Records Found.
Hmmm. That's odd, maybe it was the wrong table.
SELECT *
FROM [tcaudron].Apathy
WHERE Project = 'My Current Assignment'
Server: Msg 50122, Level 17, State 1, Line 1
Buffer Overflow Error. Please try to limit your search arguments to a more manageable result set.
Reports
Posted on 2006-06-14 at 08:41
I'm working on reports at work right now. For reasons obvious, this comic resonated with me, existentially.
Frank has spawned a child process
Posted on 2006-06-13 at 08:08
Congrats, Frank.
We'll call him John Doe
Posted on 2006-05-18 at 19:55
He was a large man, with jowls and bowls, fleshy and sweaty and just a little uncomfortable to look at. When he spoke it was like he was eating the air that wandered too closely to his loose mouth---each consonant a chomp and each vowel a gulp of meat sliding from a greasy bone. He seemed nice enough, but to look into his eyes you had the feeling that he was sizing you up, asking himself just how long it would take to roast you whole and how much time he'd save by doing one limb at a time. Yet, even when you looked into his eyes, he wouldn't look into yours. His eyes seemed to hit just shy of their bull's eye, as in a drunken game of pub darts. He spoke imprecisely, as if each word were grabbed haphazard from a bag blindfolded. He would say "supposably" and "if I half to". His cadence was slow and ponderous like the brontosaurus of old, each sentence a lumbering roll with a pause for breath at the end, and each word seemed to plop out and lay at the listener's feet, still hissing air and seeping ichor like a gravy sponge.
Yes, I'm describing someone I met in the last couple of days. No, I'm not giving names. That would be mean. I just had to write this to get it out of my skull. I feel better now.
A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you're talking about real money
Posted on 2006-04-25 at 08:22
In 1980, CEOs were compensated an average of $10 for every $1 earned by another U.S. worker. In 2006, the difference was $430 for every $1.
In 1982, the ratio of average CEO pay to the average pay of a production (i.e., non-management) worker was 42-to-1. In 2004, that ratio was 431-to-1.
If the minimum wage rose as fast as CEO compensation has just since 1990 it would now be $23.03 an hour instead of just $5.15. What about taking the pay rise since 1980? Minimum wage would be over $44.00.
So, when will it be time for another one of these?
Miscellany
Posted on 2006-03-13 at 20:23
This blog entry will have no cohesion or structure.
This site has ads and stuff. You already know that. Do I make money like that? Not really. Mostly because I'm not really trying. I'm sure I could if I changed things a bit. I'm made some pocket change. If you have a moral objection to the ads, try something like Firefox's AdBlock extension or some other plug in to remove them from the page...or don't. I'll do my best to care, but I don't expect to succeed. :)
Work is "teh suX0r". Not becuase the project is bad (it's kinda fun) or the people suck (all people suck, the guys I work directly with suck much less than most). It's just that it's work and work blows fat chunks. I just want the stuff I do on this project to be decoupled from the income it generates. That would be ideal. If you don't get what I mean, then let me put it differently: Work sucks because work is an obligation to others...usually "demanding others".
'Nuff said.
ASP.NET 2.0 thoughts
Posted on 2006-03-07 at 09:35
You can pick it up, clean it off, and shine it for the guests, but ASP is just a way to try to shove 15 pounds of dung in a 5 pound canvas sack.
ASP.NET 2.0 is far better than previous versions I've written for, but html just doesn't cut it as a medium for rich application development.
I understand the maintainence benefits are sustantial, but as a development platform, it blows.
Proposals, proposals, proposals, and contracts
Posted on 2006-02-27 at 10:39
Lately, it seems as though I've done more proposals for work than actual work. This isn't a bad thing, mind you, as this is how new business is acquired. Carlos, Studer's friend, has begun pushing work possibilities my way. That's good, as it give me a chance to sub out some work to Will and others to spread the wealth a bit (and it doesn't hurt that I get a bit of skim off that!).
My current assignment has gone through some back-and-forth about the project and now I'm in limbo with respect to whether or not I'm doing the work. I mentioned to them that they might want to look at an off-the-shelf package, since it would be cheaper than paying me for an indeterminate time to write a custom solutions. I think they are better served with a custom solution, but I'd have been remiss if I didn't point out to them that some off-the-shelf stuff might do 95% of what they want for 50% of the up front cost. I'd rather they be happy with the final package then milk them for personal gain. I don't need or want the work so bad that I'd do that. But still, in this case, I do actually think they'll be happier with a custom app. We'll see what they decide. I'm at the client site sort of spinning my wheels in a sense for the time being.
Hey, just because my every fired neuron is spent on the task of hating Corporate America, that doesn't mean I'm gonna let that drive me to acting toward them as they act toward everyone else. I won't let them control me that much.
Just One Standard Deviation
Posted on 2006-02-16 at 14:42
I've heard it said that it takes a difference of just one standard deviation in I.Q. to make communication difficult, and a difference of two or more makes it damn near impossible.
Some days, this seems more evident than others. This is one of those days. My first day, already I'm irritated by someone. I need to work on my people skills. :)
Smile, Tom, smile.
It's a small world after all
Posted on 2006-02-16 at 14:35
So, I'm here at my current client, Amerigroup, and I'm working with a guy here who has read my blog. How am I supposed to feign concern for the needs of Corporate America when he already knows I have none?
It's a sign from God that I should quit this whole job thing...or slaughter a goat. I can't figure out which.
From Drought to Flood
Posted on 2006-02-10 at 10:26
I've been without client for two weeks. Yesterday and today, I managed to pick up three projects (tentatively). All three want their project done right away exclusively. Good thing I've got subcontracting options!
Will the United States lose out to China and India?
Posted on 2006-01-26 at 20:08
We've all heard to claim.
The U.S. is slowing down on the science and technology track and China and India are nipping at our heels.
The reasons cited are numerous, but often boiled down to a few basic points. While other countries are steadily reducing rural anti-intellectualism, America is slowly being taking over by zealots who would rather the bible be our only science text book. Additionally, China and India are putting out many more engineers than the U.S. Our jobs are leaving our shores and going overseas where all these (inexpensive!) engineers dwell. And besides, isn't the Unites States showing all the signs of Roman decay and lethargy?
All these reasons are plausible, but are they true?
I submit that these perfectly plausible reasons do not represent the unfair reality of the situation.
Looking closer at America's anti-intellectual movement (as typified by those who deny such things as evolution and global warming), we can see that while these people may have the attention of the media, they do not have the attention of the researchers and developers of the country, including those funded by the government. If we set aside the media hype about fundamentalists running the country and just look at the numbers, the picture is quite different. The amount of money the U.S. spends on research is staggering. According to UNESCO's 2005 Report on Science and Technology Statistics, China spends about 1.23% of it's GDP on R&D. In the US, we spend 2.67% of ours on R&D and we have a much higher GDP. In an apples-to-apples comparison, China spends $72,014,408,000 in adjusted (ie standardized) currency on R&D (a lot to be sure), but in the U.S. we spend $275,095,956,000. If we rounded down to the nearest 100 billion dollars the rounded amount we drop would be more than China spends in total. And it's a snowball effect. We make advances in-country and those advances bring us both profit and more advances more quickly. It's hard to compete with that. China (a country I have a great affection for!) can't just throw bodies at that problem to see it solved. They simply cannot muster the technological resources to stand toe-to-toe with us in that way, and by the time they get to where we are now, we will have advanced significantly.
They don't fare much better when we look at other numbers as well. Let me start with the numbers you'll hear most often. The U.S. graduated 70,000 engineers in 2004, but China graduated 600,000 and India graduated 350,000 in the same period. Sounds dire until you hear the rest of the story. To hear the full story, we had to wait for Duke University to finish their report entitled "Framing the Engineering Outsourcing Debate: Placing the United States on a Level Playing Field with China and India." Rather than poorly paraphrase the conclusion of the report, I'll quote it:
Our study has determined that these are inappropriate comparisons. These massive numbers of Indian and Chinese engineering graduates include not only four-year degrees, but also three-year training programs and diploma holders. These numbers have been compared against the annual production of accredited four-year engineering degrees in the United States. In addition to the lack of nuanced analysis around the type of graduates (transactional or dynamic) and quality of degrees being awarded, these articles also tend not to ground the numbers in the larger demographics of each country. A comparison of like-to-like data suggests that the U.S. produces a highly significant number of engineers, computer scientists and information technology specialists, and remains competitive in global markets.
In other words, these numbers that are compared head-to-head really aren't head-to-head data. Our engineers are held to a standard. We have a clear definiton of Engineer, we know what a minimum educational level should be, and we know a minimum school accredidation should be. China and India cannot say the same. Moreover, even if you accept the higher raw numbers of engineers, the number per capita favors the U.S. The report suggests that per every one million citizens, the United States is producing roughly 750 technology specialists, compared with 500 in China and 200 in India. Of those that China and India count, many come from diploma, not degree, programs. Many are little more than copy machine repair techs (technically an engineer by some standards) whereas the U.S. does not use as loose a definition.
I'd refute the outsourcing claim, but anyone who has actually worked with these outsourcing outfits understands all too well the problems with that option.
So are we going to fall behind? In truth, I admit I wish I could say the world will be a fair place where hard work and dedication will see these others join us as leaders of the technolgoy community, but the world isn't fair. The world is no respecter of diligence or equity. The race is long, and I'm not saying we are garuanteed to win, but I am saying that at this point the race is rigged by circumstance to favor us...greatly! Unfair? Yeah, it is. Sadly, the most the international community can realistically hope for is that the U.S. becomes a nation that respects the rest of the world and seeks to lift others up rather than knock them down. As Spider Man's Uncle Ben once said, "With great power comes great responsiblity." Well, we have the power? Are we going to act responsibly or keep on as we have been?
Dear Diary
Posted on 2006-01-20 at 16:55
Today I brought 16 quad-processor servers to their knees. The client whose servers were made to weep openly are impressed with my ability to stop all database activity companywide by hitting F5 in SQL Server's Enterprise Manager. Apparently it's a bad thing when SQL Server reports the number of rows returned in scientific notation because it's otherwise too large to display.
I hope they still love me in the morning.
Tell me about...
Posted on 2006-01-20 at 11:50
I had an idea for a series of children's books called "Tell me about...".
It doesn't seem terribly original, but I haven't seen it done elsewhere yet. The idea struck me when I was at the bookstore---a favorite haunt of anyone who fancies themselves a member of the posh literati---looking through a book in the "...For Dummies" series about religion. I was struck by how useful such a series would be for children if it were properly geared to their level and needs.
I began thinking about a book on religion called "Tell me about religion." Then I considered how useful it would be to my current situation if there were one called "Tell me about China" or "Tell me about adoption."
That's when I considered the general usefulness of a children's series of educational books. In my mind, I tentatively named the series "Tell me about...", since that tends to be how a pedagogical learner, like a child, would start the inquiry process.
What I need to do is make such a thing a reality and submit a manuscript and series proposal to the right people. Sadly, in my internal debate between doing important things and sitting around, sitting around kicks the crap outta doing important things just about every time.
Still, I really need to get on it. This is a legitimately good idea. Kids need to learn and there are a distinct paucity of books geared toward children of this type. Am I crazy? (Yes, that was a call for feedback)
Ghost man terrorizes village, IT workers chuckle
Posted on 2006-01-17 at 13:58
According to Reuters, An Indian man in prison was reported dead to his family by a distant relative who saw him admitted to the prison hospital. Not so interesting right? It gets better.
Turns out he never died. Indeed, he came home and his family and friends, who thought him dead were shocked to see him still alive. Good news, you say? Sit back down. There's more.
Shock turned to fear as children screamed "Ghost! Ghost!" and ran away from him. Villagers locked their doors and hid. His own brothers fled from him when he showed himself. Just a poor first reaction? No. Not in India.
Villagers have continued to ostracize him under the assumption that he is an apparition come to haunt them. The ghost felon in question has filed a complaint with the local police who have stepped in to mediate the confusion. Can the situation take a rational turn now? Not quite. There's yet more insane-in-the-membrane left in these people.
The village council has determined that they are reasonable men of science. They will accept his claim to life if he can but prove he is not a ghost. To quote the modern sage Napoleon Dynamite, "Idiots!"
The next time your employer mentions outsourcing work to these guys, remember this. And laugh.
I don't wanna go to work today...
Posted on 2006-01-16 at 08:21
...and Calvin agrees.
Defining risk
Posted on 2006-01-13 at 13:32
Risk is having only one source of income.
For that reason, I am always on the search for ways to diversify my income base. I'd rather have 5 smaller checks coming in regularly than one big check. That way, if something goes belly-up, my income is reduced not eliminated. It's why I liked the idea of investing in a flooring business. It's why I still look for good opportunities to add another trickle source to the list.
Most recently, I've been looking into opening a franchise of Liberty Tax. The numbers look good. All the right people (Fortune mag and that crowd) are saying good things. The initial investment is low compared to many other franchise opportunities. The stars seem to be aligning. I'm not sure that I'll do it yet, but you'll be among the first to know if you keep reading this blog. I'm still researching the details to determine how long it'll take to blackline (ie, get out of the red, profitwise) and what the time commitments are. If everything continues to line up right, I may do it.
Remember rule 95 of the Ferengi Rules of Aquisition: Expand or die.
Speaking of the Rules of Aquisition, I need to address rule 51. Matt needs his due share of the latinum.
Pay for Pray
Posted on 2006-01-10 at 13:42
I could probably make a good living by offering my for-pay services to pray for people. I could tout my background and trump it up to make it sound like I'm some sort of wandering mendicant or holy hermit, then offer my direct pipeline to God for a fee. I could even abstract it out further by offering it on a web site where I tell people that I'll pray for them if they click an ad (thereby generating revenue) and they email me their prayer request. I wouldn't actually have to pray for them, but they wouldn't know that. I could even automate the prayer request response with some heuristic language reply logic to make it seem like a person instead of a form letter. People would feel better and I would be richer.
I could totally capitalize on my degree. I mean, why should Pay Robertson be the only guy locally riding God's coattails to the bank?!?
Of course, if I did all this I'd go to that special roped-off section of hell reserved for crooked politicians, corrupt judges, and people who rip other people off for 3 dollars and 75 fucking cents because they are too stupid and cheap to check their god damn records and write me a check for the amount I'm actually owed instead of some fantasy number he made up like an asshole!
Having morals sucks ass. I can't carry out any of my most ingenuitive plans.
Started new client today
Posted on 2006-01-09 at 13:24
So, judging by the calls I've gotten today I guess I'm supposed to announce such things. So be it. I've started a new client today. It's Liberty Tax. So far, so good.
If fact, I'd go so far as to say it's one of my better clients. The work is low end boring stuff, but the environment is casual without being sloppy and laid back without being unconcerned. I like it.
Pr0n is not Junk?
Posted on 2005-12-28 at 17:06
Forgive me if you already knew this, but I avoid Microsoft technologies whenever possible. I'm at a client where I must use Microsoft Outlook. I was trying to unset some sort of "I'm Important" flag on a message I received (because I think I should be the one to decide if a message is important to me not the sender!) when I noticed that under the "Junk Email" menu I have to option of sending a sender's address to either the Junk Sender's List or the Adult Content Sender's list.
I guess that makes it easy to toss the junk mail and get right dow to the business of slowly purusing the flagged adult content. I'm being serious when I say this: Can someone tell me why Outlook assumes a business user (Outlook is designed for businesses, after all) would want to distinguish between adult and non adult content when sorting through junk mail? I just assumed that all junk mail got deleted. I guess Microsoft knows the business user market better than me.
Salesman
Posted on 2005-12-27 at 12:31
If I choose to grow the business, I'll need a salesman. Relying on other agencies to spoon me work is only good for moderate workloads. To really scale up the workload I'd need someone whose fulltime job it was to find work. At a commission rate of $5 per manhour, they'd stand to make a killing, but that means bringing someone onboard to work with in that regard.
For those curious, $5 per manhour means that if this salesman put 6 people in the field for 1 month (assuming an average of 150 hours per worker for the month), they'd make $4500.00 off that gig. Pretty good for getting a 6 man project that only lasts a month.
Growth and Income
Posted on 2005-12-27 at 12:10
I don't know that I want my business to grow. That said, I'm not sure I want it to stay where it's at right now either. Right now, my income is sufficient to pay what needs paying and get ahead a bit more each month. That problem with that balance point is that I want to retire. That means either lumping the loss of income and scaling back now or lumping the extra initial work and going for an income boom right now to pay off all things that need paying.
I am really on the fence about this. I don't want to continue as I am now becuase the incremental gains aren't enough to cash out as quickly as I'd like. Scaling back now, mean some additional changes in lifestyle that I willing to make, but would prefer not to. Scaling up means the same thing.
So which should it be? Scaling up and retire in 2 years in a very good financial postition or scale back and retire now without the same level of financial security to which I've grown accustomed?
Small people and big paperwork
Posted on 2005-12-21 at 08:03
Here's a tip for would-be and already-are managers out there:
If your employees are adults, treat them as such. Just as it's true that people will treat you as poorly as you let them, so to is it true that people will rise or sink to try to meet the level of your expectation.
There is simply no reason other than distrust to ask for the sort of microtracking of employee time that is demanded of managers in the I.T. workplace. Typically, I have 3 or more places wherein I am asked to track my time at a given client. Some ask for even more than that. Some ask for all that and a detailed account of the minutia that constituted that time.
If you do't trust your employees or consultants to give you an honest day's work, then stop paying them. I really despise being treated like a child in the workplace, but it is becoming the norm. This is one of the many reasons why I dislike Corporate America.
Now, you are saying to yourself, "But Tom, thre are legitimate reasons for tracking time details. Surely you understand that knowing where time is spent helps us to better allocate resources and budget time for future work?"
I call BS. That is the excuse given everywhere, but it doesn't pan out. Managers in I.T. are notorious for collecting the most time stats and yet equally notorious for being bad at budgeting time for projects.
Additionally, because the programming and project work done in Corporate I.T. shops is not similar to the I.T. work done in a Computer Science environment, previous work is not easy to extrapolate and standardize to future work. In other words, using previous work as a gauge for future work assumes standardizing methodologies are in practice, but Corporate America simply doesn't allow for the extra time it takes to emply those standardizing methods. If they did, we could make those sorts of extrapolations, moreover, the work we do would have a higher success rate. Most errors I see in the field are the result of not employing solid and academically-proven methodologies due to time constraints put on the work by people who have no idea how to gauge time for this sort of work in the first place.
See the circular error? I assure you that it's as plain as day to any I.T. guy you have working under you. If you want to push project success closer to the 100% mark and be able to accurately estimate future project time budgets, then let your I.T. guys take the time to do things right in the first place. Let them create and use standardizing methodologies. Following all the steps of the design and implementation process may fly in the face of RAD development, but it creates a far more certain outcome.
Quick. Standardized. Working. Pick any two.
Robert Frost...
Posted on 2005-12-19 at 08:04
...summarizes my current existential reality with just a few lines:
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
repetition is repetition is repetition is ...lame
Posted on 2005-12-14 at 08:07
Stare at SQL Code.
Hit F5.
Too many records returned. Change search criteria.
Hit F5.
Too many records returned. Change search criteria.
Hit F5.
Too many records returned. Change search criteria.
Hit F5.
Too many records returned. Change search criteria.
Hit F5.
Too many records returned. Vomit on self.
Welcome to my workday.
I've decided to blog offline
Posted on 2005-12-14 at 08:04
I'm sitting here at work waiting on a client to assist me with beginning the next phase of the project and I'm bored. To that end, I've decided to write my blog entries at work and when I get home, I'll add them to the site (since I can't post from this client). Note that this means that while I'm at this client you'll see a bunch of entries posted at once each evening that were likely written throughout the day.
New gig = No Internet
Posted on 2005-12-14 at 08:01
I'll have no reasonable Internat access at the new gig, so there'll be no posting from work. That said, I'll still be posting in the mornings and possibly evenings. You may now breath a sigh of relief, knowing that I have not forsaken you.
I start a new gig today
Posted on 2005-12-13 at 08:01
In case blogging frequency diminishes, that's why. I start a new client today. It should last through to the end of the year. I'll try not to slow down my blogging, but on the off chance that I do, Discuss the Minkowski Crater until I get back. Formed by a meteor, or hollowed out by space aliens piloting flying saucers looking for a good place to put a pool? You decide.
Why have you forsaken us, Tom?
Posted on 2005-11-04 at 08:01
My current client, Sentara, doesn't have an Internet connection that my laptop can use and I'm still feeling them out about using the main system for non-business stuff like posting my blog entries or checking my email. That's why the number of posts has dropped.
Don't worry. When this blog pays my mortgage, I'll be much more dedicated to an entry a day. :)
New assignment
Posted on 2005-11-01 at 08:02
For those curious, I should point out that I started a new assignment today. It's a small gig that I got through Dataline. They subcontracted it to my company. It's really just a little Crystal Reports work, which sucks, but I don't mind simple work. It also should grease the wheels a bit to getting me more work through Dataline. They are already looking for more project work for me. Nice arrangement.
A small gig
Posted on 2005-10-26 at 08:03
The people I spoke with today have handed me a small (as in just a few days long) gig. This is a good way to spend my time while I wait for other larger work to come through. It's small enough that it won't interfere with any of the larger possible gigs I have pending.
When it rains...
Posted on 2005-10-26 at 08:02
I had another successful meeting with a potential client today. Just as with the CBN thing, this client would be a great group to work with. Of course, one of them needs to actually call back now. :)
Technical Interview followup
Posted on 2005-10-18 at 08:02
The technical interview went well enough. He is going to recommend that they proceed to the next stage. I may end up with a contract at CBN afterall. Nothing it set in stone, and the details haven't yet come out, but if the stars align correctly and all the pagan signs are right I may be contracted soon.
What am I good at?
Posted on 2005-10-18 at 08:01
"We all need to be like the boy trying to hit fly balls to his dad. He threw a ball up into the air and said, 'I'm such a good hitter.' Then he swung and missed. He threw up another ball, missed the ball again, and said, 'I'm such a good hitter.' After the third and fourth failed attempt to hit the ball, he just threw the ball up in the air again and said, 'I'm such a good pitcher!' When we embrace our blessings, just like when we embrace each other, we must do so honestly."
Technical Interview
Posted on 2005-10-17 at 08:02
I'm gonna be chatting with a "Senior Architect" on weighty technical matters (yes, goober, that's a joke) at 4:30 today. It may lead to a contracting gig just down the street from my house at CBN. By all accounts it's a pretty decent place to have a gig. The people are friendly and the facilities are clean. The theology is incongruous with my own, but that doesn't really bug me all that much. Their theology doesn't really matter so much to my programming duties. Frankly, I probably agree more with their underlying motives and beliefs than I do with the greed-driven motives of Corporate America.
Before you know it, I'll be Laying Hands on a crashed server. ;-)
The Five Best Things About Unemployment
Posted on 2005-10-12 at 08:02
- Baths are for suckers
- There's none of that "wake up on time" jazz to interfere with my increasingly important "wallow in my own misery in the bed" time.
- Mooching is more socially acceptable if I don't have a paycheck of my own. It's like I have a mooch-for-free card that I get to flash to all my friends.
- I've had an opportunity to engage some really spectacular daytime television that I'd otherwise have never known about. That Dr. Phil really touches the human soul.
- Taking things slowly now means that I can enjoy the finer things in life, like enjoying my walk to the kwick-e-mart to buy a plain hot dog for dinner. The kwick-e-mart is a varied and interesting place if you take the time to look.
It is begun
Posted on 2005-10-08 at 08:01
I submitted my first article proposal to a magazine yesterday. It might end in rejection (most do, statistically speaking) but I've begun now and I cannot be stopped. :) This was to Dragon Magazine. It was actually 5 different proposals, becuase they suggested including more than one idea per submission. I'm also pursuing getting something in either Portfolio Weekly or Hampton Roads magazine. I think I'll try to find a good story angle for Chinese adoption. It's somthing I know a bit about, have the contacts to get good quotes, and it could make for good Human Interest stuff. It just needs an angle....
The price of employment
Posted on 2005-10-05 at 08:02
Every day's another loss
Need the pay so please the boss
Through the sludge they mingle by the mile
Every worker looks ahead
Ah the kiddies must be fed
So they trudge along in single file
Honore de Balzac, novelist (1799-1850)
Posted on 2005-10-05 at 08:01
"Vocations which we wanted to pursue, but didn't, bleed, like colors, on the whole of our existence."
Chapter Four
Posted on 2005-10-03 at 08:01
Life presents itself in chapters. It's important to know when a chapter is closing so that you know when to start looking for the next one. It helps make sense of the story and it helps keep everything moving along in a healthy fashion. My own story falls almost too neatly into three chapters. I'm not sure if this is dumb luck or if I'm just good at seeing when my current chapter needs a "The End".
I can remember the first chapter as if I'd just written it. Kelly was an important character, and my mother and grandmother too. It was in that chapter that I learned those skills that would help me cope in later chapters. What strikes me most sad about that chapter is just how few characters survived to the next. Still, it introduced a few that would become increasingly important.
The second chapter of my life was probably the one that holds my fondest memories. It was the one where I met Denise, reconnected with William (and by association, almost every member of my current circle of friends), built my friendship with Bryan, Marcus, and Joe, and began to feel comfortable in my own skin. Like any good story, there was conflict, but in the end, the good guys won and what was gained was greater than what was lost.
The third chapter of my story began when I entered the field of information technology. Why is it that my career choice marks the beginning of a new chapter? Because it changed everything. It began with my getting married in the summer of '92. I was in school for computer electronics, just getting started in that field. I was making a living, enjoying the fruits of adulthood, and making the decisions that I hoped at the time would shape the next chapter in a positive way.
The question on my plate now is whether or not I'm at the end of this chapter. It feels like I am, but forces that I can't control are demanding closure that can't be wrapped up neatly or quickly. This chapter is continuing to write itself even as I feel my pen's ink running dry.
What's Happenin' Now
Posted on 2005-09-29 at 08:03
Matt is looking into pushing some work my way. I'm looking more deeply into the Quick Loan store idea. I've pushed some local contacts I have for work. Things are going fine so far.
Options
Posted on 2005-09-27 at 08:02
In the interest of keeping this forum as an open (festering?) conduit to my psyche, here are the options I see laid before me currently and my thoughts on each:
- Freelance writing gig: I could start doing some freelance writing to see how that pans out. I've every intent to do it either way, but it might behoove me to consider making it my focus. The pay won't be as good, but I'll love it.
- Quick Cash Loans: I can take some of my savings and start a quick loan store. I know others who have an interest in joining me.
- Small computer consulting gigs: I could reinvent my company as a small shop for small companies. This will afford me more variety, but less stability.
- Writer/Editor gig: I can try to find employment as a writer somewhere to get my feet wet in the writing biz before going freelance. Not sure I need to, but it's a thought. The pay would suck, though.
- Big computer consulting gigs: I can keep going as I have been. Hitting large companies for work.
- Programmer employment gig: I could get a job working for someone else, but that is the least attractive option for me right now.
The end of an era!
Posted on 2005-09-23 at 08:03
Earlier I mentioned that Dave and Tim are gone from Cardinal by the end of the month. As I suspected, so am I. Just got the message---which was left for me right after I left for China---that I was not to return (ie, two week notice right after I left for three weeks). This is typical of how they do business. Oh well, on to better things. :)
The end of an era?
Posted on 2005-09-02 at 08:01
Dave and Tim have been given notice that they are gone at the end of the month. Two things of note about that. One: Can they do without Dave and Tim? I mean, this means there is no viable backup plan to the new system if (when!) it should fail. Two: Can I be far behind? I don't foresee a scenario where they think I'm more important to them than Dave and Tim.
Change. It's a bitch.
Change
Posted on 2005-09-01 at 08:02
It's a funny thing, change. No matter that you know it's coming. No matter that you prepare. No matter that you brace for the impact. The big ones always leave you reeling, always leave you stunned, looking for a handle to grab to lift yourself back up. That's the nature of change. That's why it scares me. That's why it keeps me awake. I don't like losing my footing.
The NJ guys are in town today and tomorrow
Posted on 2005-08-25 at 08:03
I guess the boss decided they needs some more time looking over my shoulder to learn what I do. Two months isn't enough? OK, this time take notes.
Interesting meeting yesterday at work
Posted on 2005-08-25 at 08:02
I made a few enemies and a few friends. It's funny how honesty works. Oh well.
Corporate America
Posted on 2005-08-11 at 08:02
Trust me, Alice, you don't want to go down that rabbit hole.
With a "Curiouser and curiouser", you'll inch forward following a trail of paychecks until, looking back, the rabbit hole is gone and the rabbit is standing over a pool of employee tears screeching "Oh dear! Oh dear! We shall all be late!"
You'll keep going, hoping one day to be the Great Hookah'd Caterpillar--lounging on your leaf, watching little people beg confusedly at your feet to be just a little larger--but you'll never grow larger than a small worried rabbit.
You want to work for that? For the right to meet your boss face-to-face and have him, with a Cheshire grin purr or growl---as if you'd know the difference! All this while your friends, the rabbit and the dormouse, play at being more important than they are.
Join 'em if you want, but drinking from an empty cup will never fill your belly up.
You think that one day you'll be so important that the Queen will let you play Croquet by your rules? No chance. Dormouse or Rabbit or Caterpiller or Cat, if you make her game unpleasant she'll fix it with an "Off with his head!"
You drank their "Drink Me", you second-hand smoked their hookah, you pretended the cup was full and in the end, you'll still get the axe! You want that?
John Dryden (1631-1700)
Posted on 2005-08-02 at 08:03
"Furor fit laesa saepius patientia."
Right now, I'm feeling ya, Dryden, I'm feeling ya.
New marketing idea for the flooring biz
Posted on 2005-07-20 at 08:01
Print out a newsletter with interesting bits of stuff in it, wherein MF is advertised. Possibly better than a simple flyer? I think it's worth a shot.
You figure it out
Posted on 2005-07-19 at 08:01
Tumbling down down down. The world still spins around. Like the sequins on an evening gown say nothing of the dancer's frown.
Matt may be pushing some SQL work my way
Posted on 2005-06-29 at 08:03
That'd be cool. I could use the side work, for sure. It'd be easy enough to do some work in the mornings for his company then go on to work at my current local client. The extra money would be a boon.
Flooring hit
Posted on 2005-05-16 at 08:02
The last job caused us some problems. Todd ain't happy. The painters screwed us by trying to work in the same room at the same time. Now we look like it was our fault that it took twice as long. Oh well.
The data load guy is Chinese
Posted on 2005-05-04 at 08:02
Yet another person in the office whose native language I know just enough to butcher. :) Cool. Maybe he'll speak some Chinese with me so I can learn a little something.
The data load guy is here
Posted on 2005-05-04 at 08:01
The guy Cardinal hired to do the data loads starts today. I'll be glad to get the data loads off my plate and get back to real programming. Still, I can't shake the feeling that the end is near. I'd like just more more big payout (maybe a small 4 man team or something) to drop the remainder of the mortgage first, but I doubt that'll happen now. Oh well.
Dice.com
Posted on 2005-04-19 at 08:01
I've put my info up on dice.com in the hopes that I will find a small consulting gig there. We'll see.
I'm not a couch potato, but I play one on TV
Posted on 2005-04-18 at 08:01
Well, I will play one on TV if I'm hired by Jimmy Kimmel. Apparently his show lost one of the four guys who watches TV looking for funny shit and I've applied for the position. I do not expect to hear back from these people. But wouldn't it be hilarious if I did?
They think I don't see it...
Posted on 2005-04-13 at 08:03
...but I do. The client is making all the moves to replace me and others. I've seen it coming for a while, but I see it on the near horizon. We'll see how it all turns out. I'm tired and not really that worried about it one way or the other.
Flooring
Posted on 2005-04-11 at 08:03
The flooring work is more steady now than a month ago. That opens my options a bit. I recently heard risk (in the financial context of the word) defined as "Having only one source of income." I agree, and I don't intend to disregard that advice. Flooring and consulting are a nice start, but I'd like to add writing and investing to my stable of incomes.
The biz
Posted on 2005-04-11 at 08:02
Things are still limping along at work. The client still pays me and I still do the work, though I have no idea how much longer they intend to do so. We'll see. I'm not too concerned one way or the other, but not knowing kinda sucks.
So Tom, Why don't you blog as much as you used to?
Posted on 2005-04-07 at 08:02
My computer is intermittently screwing up and my client is getting more demanding. I'm not pleased with either of those problems and I aim to fix them both this year. Why "this year" and not "right away"? Because that's not the plan. The plan is throw as much money into the mortgage as possible (precluding fixing the first issue) until I am no longer working full time (which will happen when the baby comes back from China, precluding fixing the second issue).
Flooring
Posted on 2005-03-24 at 08:02
We picked up a couple of jobs this past week. That's good news. I'm hoping the slow season is over until next December, at least. The builder we are doing the work for has eighteen more houses coming up in the next year or so, and we have a decent shot at getting them. That'd be great. Definately opens my options with respect to employment, income, and getting The Man's chain off my neck.
Carpets and such
Posted on 2005-02-26 at 08:02
Been slow for the last three weeks, but the slow season is about to come to an end, so hopefully we'll see some pick up of the work.
Writing for a living
Posted on 2005-02-17 at 08:01
I need to get this "writing career" thing going. I'm so tired of Corporate America (as anyone reading my blog knows) and I think I'd enjoy a stint as a writer of some sort.
Busy at work
Posted on 2005-01-21 at 08:03
The client is hopping right now with a big systems rollout. It means longer hours and such. I can't wait to be through with Corporate America for good. Of course, "for good" is a long time if we live forever! (see first entry for today)
Mammon by Day
Posted on 2005-01-18 at 08:03
I've been testing out my skills as a Day Trader with a spreadsheet (faking it to see if I should enter the market for real). So far, I'm doing quite well. I earned myself an 11% return on investment in about a week. I'm gonna track my performance for a month before I consider committing any real funds to the process.
#95: Expand or die.
Posted on 2005-01-14 at 08:01
Roy is meeting with another flooring place this morning so we can diversify our client list. Right now, we rely on one client way too much. The hope is that expanding to other clients will keep the company healthier in the long term. It will also keep us independent, and thus keep our options more open than they currently are.
The Smart Ferengi's Guide to Profit
Posted on 2005-01-11 at 08:01
As I used these rules to good success in my business, I figured I'd pass them along as advice. I, of course, did not invent them, rather these are the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. My favorites and the most useful/practical are accentuated. Enjoy!
Rule 001 - Once you have their money, you never give it back.
Rule 002 - The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
Rule 003 - Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
Rule 004 - A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
Rule 006 - Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
Rule 007 - Keep your ears open.
Rule 008 - Small print leads to large risk.
Rule 009 - Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
Rule 010 - Greed is eternal.
Rule 011 - Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
Rule 012 - Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
Rule 013 - Anything worth doing is worth doing twice.
Rule 014 - Keep your family close, keep your Latinum closer.
Rule 016 - A deal is a deal. (until a better one comes along).
Rule 017 - A contract is a contract is a contract - but only between Ferengi.
Rule 018 - A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
Rule 019 - Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
Rule 020 - Only give money to people you know you can steal from.
Rule 021 - Never place friendship before profit.
Rule 022 - A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
Rule 024 - Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
Rule 025 - There's always a way out.
Rule 026 - As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
Rule 027 - There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
Rule 028 - Whisper your way to success.
Rule 029 - What's in it for me?
Rule 031 - Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother. (insult something he cares about, instead).
Rule 033 - It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
Rule 034 - War is good for business.
Rule 035 - Peace is good for business.
Rule 037 - If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
Rule 039 - Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
Rule 040 - She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
Rule 041 - Profit is its own reward.
Rule 042 - What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.
Rule 044 - Never confuse wisdom with luck.
Rule 045 - Ambition knows no family.
Rule 046 - Make your shop easy to find.
Rule 047 - Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
Rule 048 - The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
Rule 049 - Everything is worth something to somebody.
Rule 050 - Gratitude can bring on generosity.
Rule 051 - Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
Rule 052 - Never ask when you can take.
Rule 057 - Good customers are as rare as Latinum, Treasure them.
Rule 058 - There is no substitute for success.
Rule 059 - Free advice is seldom cheap.
Rule 060 - Keep your lies consistent.
Rule 062 - The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
Rule 065 - Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
Rule 068 - Ear stroking will get you anything.
Rule 069 - Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
Rule 072 - Never trust your customers.
Rule 073 - If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
Rule 075 - Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.
Rule 076 - Every once in a while, declare peace. "It confuses the hell out of your enemies".
Rule 077 - It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
Rule 078 - When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.
Rule 079 - Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
Rule 082 - The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
Rule 084 - A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
Rule 085 - Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
Rule 087 - A friend in need means three times the profit.
Rule 089 - Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.
Rule 092 - There are many paths to profit.
Rule 093 - Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
Rule 094 - Females and finances don't mix.
Rule 095 - Expand or die.
Rule 096 - For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule, (except when there's not).
Rule 097 - Enough... is never enough.
Rule 098 - Every man has his price.
Rule 099 - Trust is the biggest liability of all.
Rule 100 - If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.
Rule 101 - The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
Rule 102 - Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.
Rule 103 - Sleep can interfere with...
Rule 104 - Faith moves mountains... (of inventory).
Rule 105 - Don't trust anyone who trusts you.
Rule 106 - There is no honor in poverty.
Rule 107 - A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
Rule 109 - Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
Rule 111 - Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them [ruthlessly].
Rule 112 - Never have sex with the boss' sister.
Rule 113 - Always have sex with the boss.
Rule 115 - The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
Rule 116 - There's always a catch.
Rule 117 - Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 119 - Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, (...sometimes, good things come in small packages).
Rule 121 - Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 123 - Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
Rule 125 - You can't make a deal if you're dead.
Rule 126 - Count it.
Rule 127 - Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
Rule 135 - Never trust a beneficiary.
Rule 139 - Wives serve, brothers inherit.
Rule 141 - Only fools pay retail.
Rule 142 - There's no such thing as an unfair advantage.
Rule 143 - Risk is part of the game... play it for all it's worth.
Rule 144 - There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket.
Rule 146 - Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Profit is the father.
Rule 152 - A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.
Rule 153 - Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
Rule 162 - Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
Rule 168 - Whisper your way to success.
Rule 169 - Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
Rule 171 - Blood is thicker than water, and Latinum is thicker than both.
Rule 172 - Chances aren't what they used to be.
Rule 177 - Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
Rule 181 - Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
Rule 188 - A fool and his money is the best customer.
Rule 189 - Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
Rule 190 - Hear all, trust nothing.
Rule 191 - A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
Rule 192 - Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
Rule 194 - It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
Rule 200 - If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
Rule 202 - The justification of profit is profit.
Rule 203 - New customers are like razor-backed Gree worms... They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
Rule 204 - It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.
Rule 208 - Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
Rule 211 - Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success... don't hesitate to step on them.
Rule 214 - Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
Rule 216 - Never gamble with an empath.
Rule 217 - You can't free a fish from water.
Rule 218 - Always know what you're buying.
Rule 219 - Possession is 11/10 of the law.
Rule 223 - Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
Rule 229 - Latinum lasts longer than lust.
Rule 231 - There's a sucker born every minute; be sure you're the first to find each one.
Rule 236 - You can't buy fate.
Rule 239 - Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
Rule 241 - Never trust a hardworking employee.
Rule 242 - More is good... all is better.
Rule 253 - Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.
Rule 255 - A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.
Rule 256 - Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score.
Rule 260 - Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
Rule 261 - A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
Rule 262 - A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Rule 263 - Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.
Rule 265 - The customer is always right, (...until you get their cash).
Rule 266 - When in doubt, lie.
Rule 267 - If you believe it, they believe it.
Rule 270 - In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
Rule 277 - Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
Rule 284 - Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
Rule 285 - No good deed ever goes unpunished.
Rule 286 - When Morn leaves, it's all over. (Quark made this rule up)
Rule 299 - Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time. (Neelix made this rule up)
The Unwritten Rule - When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up!
My notes on the rules follow:
Rule 025: I've found this to be a clear truism. If you don't see the way out, you haven't looked hard enough. The question is not if there is a way out, but rather whether or not the way out is worth the price.
Rule 047: People who are powerful rarely feel the need to make show of it. If they are wearing a thousand dollar suit they are lying either to you, to themselves, or to both. In any case, don't trust them. They are desperate.
Rule 069: As a consultant, I am asked to do things that aren't always the smartest or most efficient way to achieve the goals in mind. I always explain my concerns, knowing that they will rarely listen. When I implement something that fails becuase I followed orders, I refuse to feel bad about it. They were warned.
Rule 076: The most useful of the rules when it comes to corporate politics! Works flawlessly and consistently.
Rule 095: Here's the rub. I knew the rule. I acknowledged the validity of the rule, but I did not follow the rule and I can honestly say this is why my business is waning.
Rule 142: You can be certain that almost everyone you work with has this rule unspoken in their hearts. Disagree at your profit's peril.
Rule 190: If you listen closely enough, you will hear the doom of your enemies. If you believe everything you hear, you will hear your own doom.
Rule 217: No matter what angle you approach a thing from, it will always be the same thing. A scorpion will always sting you. A true friend will always help you. A corporate fatcat will always exploit you.
Rule 261: Truer words were never spoken. It's amazing what you are asked to compromise on the road to wealth.
Rule 284: When the latinum starts jingling, I've met few people who don't listen. This rule makes me sad.
The Unwritten Rule: This is the most important. These rules do not cover all things. Rule 062 relates. If you haven't travelled the road before, it may be risky, but be certain that there can be profit in it. Make the leap. Do the deed. History and profit are no respectors of lethargy. If there is no rule, mkae one up and keep moving forward!
Peace
Posted on 2005-01-06 at 08:01
I'm OK with the slowing of the business. It has its upsides and that's kinda cool. Corporate America isn't worth the effort it takes to stay in it. That's my latest epiphany.
Things have been hectic
Posted on 2005-01-03 at 08:02
The business is slowing, but my workload has increased. Not a good combination. Either way, Denise and I have determined to move back into Serious Savings mode so that our dependence upon my business income is lessened as much as possible. So far, so good.
Insured
Posted on 2004-12-14 at 08:02
Masterwork is insured now. That should help us get work and give us more of the profit for the work we get. Right now, this is a Good Thing, as it is my exit strategy from Corporate America.
I haven't written much in the past 30 days or so
Posted on 2004-12-14 at 08:01
This is not a sign of things to come, but rather an indicator of my current busy/rest ratio. Work has swamped me and, frankly, I'm not sure it's worth the effort. On the brighter side, the flooring business is picking up, and I enjoy that stuff.
Cool spreadsheet
Posted on 2004-11-29 at 08:02
I did a cool spreadsheet for counting the flooring-earned Latinum. I'm quite proud of it. :-)
Floors have been done
Posted on 2004-11-28 at 08:04
Roy has started working. Jobs are trickling in and we hope to see some substantial increase soon. Yea for us!
Flooring
Posted on 2004-11-17 at 08:02
Roy is still looking for that first gig. We have some leads, and the local flooring companies seem to be quite willing to give us work. Now we just need them to get some work so they can give it to us!
More work stuff
Posted on 2004-11-17 at 08:01
The client insists that everyone work from the office now, so I spend my days in a cube. This is not gonna work for me over the long term. At least I have the luxury of quitting to work for McDonald's or something. As long as I can pull in around $1000 per month, I can do just fine. I'm not so accustomed to the income I receive currently that I'm above doing it either. I really dislike corporate politics and corporate ignorance. Maybe I could work for Roy doing flooring. That'd make enough to cover what needs covering.
The New Venture
Posted on 2004-10-28 at 08:01
The new business with Roy has hit some small snags. A repair to the new truck must be completed before we can roll out. That's cool. It'll be done soon enough. The truck is nice. It's a 2001 Dodge B1500 work van. Sweet. Looking all official and stuff.
Masterwork Flooring
Posted on 2004-10-22 at 08:02
The tools are purchased in full and the truck should be purchased by close of business today. I hope to see Roy out working on Monday morning. That'd be sweet!
Masterwork Flooring
Posted on 2004-10-20 at 08:01
A name has been chosen for the new venture. We've purchased about half the tools. The corporation paperwork is underway. Commitment has been made.
I'm sick of being told to wait my turn
Posted on 2004-10-19 at 08:02
I'll never fall in line, become another victim of your conformity.
The Future
Posted on 2004-10-19 at 08:01
Looking forward to getting the second mortgage paid off. That will lighten the finances enough that I can retire on a whim. I can't stress enough just how important that is! I'm getting tired of dealing with jackasses spewing Orwellian Corporate-Speak. 'Nuff said.
Things are proceeding apace
Posted on 2004-10-15 at 08:03
I met with the lawyer. The new business venture is underway. The corp should be set up soon. The contracts should be in place soon. The money should be flowing soon. Sweet.
Venture Capitalism
Posted on 2004-10-06 at 08:03
So, I decided to expand my business in a new direction. In addition to IT, I'm bringing Roy on board to get a foothold in construction...yes, construction. Specifically hardwood flooring. I think I can recoup my investment within a few months and start seeing decent profit inside a year. I need as much income as possible as soon as possible if I'm to pay of the second mortgage and retire early.
...And eventually all rats gotta suck the pipe, Johnny!
Posted on 2004-07-29 at 08:01
Just got word that the primary managerial thorn in my side has been fired. The world just got a little brighter.
The business
Posted on 2004-07-16 at 08:06
The business took a small hit when two of my guys rolled off the current client. Not a show stopper, but it sucks anyway. Mostly, it's the result of the machinations of one manager out there. There's always one prick in the mix. I seriously want to leave Corporate America. Too much desperation. Eye on the prize: Pay off this house and quit.
Payday
Posted on 2004-06-20 at 08:02
After much bitching, whatever logjam was holding up the latest payment has been lifted. I get to get money today. It's sorely needed, what with me closing on my new house this coming Monday.
Wintel
Posted on 2004-06-09 at 08:03
Plugged in. Online
Jacked up. Fucked up.
T1 line-in. Media upchuck.
Mankind. MetalSoul.
Info Blackhole.
Lord Almighty,
Flood this rathole.
Byte-sized. ArkSafe.
Hi-Tech Street Waif
Who cares anyway?
Why should I pray?
Lead in. Lead out.
Have faith. Have doubt.
Talk loud. Don't shout.
Sine wave. Crest. Bough.
Christ when? Christ now!
Windows. Intel.
Dead soul. Oh well.
Hatred and sin.
Grow weak. Grow thin.
Love to hate me.
Ricki Lake me.
Let life linger
And infestate me.
-Tom Caudron
-Inspired by my job. Maybe I need a new one?
Chad is working out
Posted on 2004-05-13 at 08:03
I'm happy to report (wierd word choice...to whom am I reporting?) that Chad is working out quite well. He's picking everything up just fine and the client is telling me all sort of good stuff about him.
They call him...Chad
Posted on 2004-05-04 at 08:01
Up til now I've only brought friends into the business. As of yesterday, however, that has changed. I've hired a new guy. I did some interviews of ECPI candidates and hired one of them. He's a sharp guy named Chad. He'll work out well, I think. I'm having lunch with him today to make him the offer.
The Business
Posted on 2004-04-29 at 08:05
The business is going strong. That's why we can afford to up the house price. I spent this week interviewing new candidates. I've picked four potentials and have scheduled follow-up interviews with them for Monday. I also signed Sally up as well. That's two new hires this week. Oh, and Will finally got to try out for a client this week also, so in the next week or so, I'll probably be adding him to the payroll as well. That'll be 3 new people in the field. I am so damn apathetic, I have no idea why people keep giving me more work.
Will and Daystrom
Posted on 2004-03-24 at 08:02
Since I'm up, I may as well point out that it looks like Will may be joining the Daystrom team. That'll be cool. Worlds are colliding, but it's alright, I think. Will won't give away my deep dark childhood secrets, lest I turn his into a novel. ;-)
The business
Posted on 2004-03-19 at 08:02
The business is going exceedingly well. We may be adding two more people soon. That would be great! One of them may be Will. That would be cool. I so did not intend to become a little mini-Fain. I'm still fighting it, though I don't know why.
The Return of Mark
Posted on 2004-02-25 at 08:02
Well, after some wrangling, I have Mark returning to the Cardinal fold. (background: Cardinal is my big client and Mark is a cool guy and bringing him back means I make more money)
Lameness
Posted on 2004-02-23 at 08:05
I got a pretty busy day ahead of me, so it looks like I won't have as much time to chill and give the gaming group feedback on the new campaign ideas being tossed around. Oh well...gotta make the donuts.
Daystrom
Posted on 2004-02-20 at 08:01
I sent out a message to all my guys in the field to give me a couple of sentences about what they do so I can add that to my weekly status reports.
I've become one of those guys. :-(
Oh well. We'll see how far this trainride goes and maybe, just maybe, I won't get bumped off til after I've made a mint.